Devil Dogs: Story4: FATES WARNING

Lt Damon ROCKER Voss

I've been working on the last story of the Devil Dogs series. It's been more mental than it has been me writing it on paper. The initial mission is very short and that was written quickly. It's only a few pages long. It's what happens after that I struggled with a bit but I pushed through. For the most part, I find it acceptable but it's not quite optimal. I asked a friend for advice, outlining the scenario. If I wrote what we had talked about it, it would end up really long. I admit, it feels anti-climatic. I can only think of doing a huge fight scene at the end to wrap it; akin to Avengers: Infinity War/Endgame, Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, or in really weird terms, any battle in Dynasty Warriors. I didn't quite go that route. Why? Probably has to do with the limitations of my own writing skill.

It's like this. The Devil Dogs are facing the townsfolk. All 25,000 of them? Yeah, kind of. The Devil Dogs are out of ammo. The townsfolk are armed with everything on hand. Be it pistols, automatic rifles, uzis, pitchforks, machetes, 2x4s, etc. Issue 1: how do unarmed dudes, 4-5 of them, fight off hundreds with guns. The Devil Dogs aren't the Avengers. They don't get Captain American's shield to bounce bullets off of. Or Hulk's thick skin to brush the bullets off. (There are some other details I'm not revealing here) Oh, and the Devil Dogs aren't Jedi so they don't have light sabers to deflect projectiles either. 

With that in mind, I considered moving the fight into an apartment building. Hit and run tactics. The bad guys can't fit hundreds into the building. They can't storm the hallway cuz there's not enough space. And in theory, they'd have to clear each unit and room to find them. In my mind, if a pair of Devil Dogs are in a unit, they might take out the people looking for them, but how do they get out if more in the hallway? Especially if they have guns. It was suggested that I (re)watch the John Wick films for ideas. My go to movie was Karl Urban's Judge Dredd. In the end, I chose not to go that route. In fact, I went a very different route. Regardless, I still didn't have a big fight scene.

Issue 2: I can't write a big group melee scene. I can write single characters tackling multiple bad guys. Because it's written and not visual, I feel it's very hard to tell. Unless I want to skip around character to character and that would make the story longer. But worse, it'd feel repetitive. The easiest cop-out would be to skip the whole thing and only do the after-battle scene. What fun would that be? As I wrote it, it does (kind of) follow two of the characters. The 2nd fight scene, it's more examples the character which was actually fun to write. The Devil Dogs handler, former Mossad agent WHISPER, finally gets to show what she can do. (She's a cross between the handler chick from Seal Team, Ziva David from NCIS and well, every Mossad character in NCIS for that matter. And then some. *snicker*)

I'm writing the epilogue/transition to the next series. The Devil Dogs become the War Hounds. The chapter is already a mess. I have all these ideas. I'm still not sure how I want it to go, but writing it out, I'm hoping things start to flow. Also, the Demon Hunters will take a more active role going forward. 

Issue 3: I can't remember the Demon Hunters worth a damn. I have 4 figures and something like 5 characters. I think their physical representations aren't finished yet. I haven't even decided how big the team is. However, the core of the Demon Hunters squad, as shown in a previous story, Lt Rocker and Sgt Hunter are the ones who do the hunting. If what they are hunting is too big to deal with, they call in the rest of their squad. I don't need a crew of 10 running all over the world, hunting down bad guys. Too many people. Easier to rely on 1 or 2 characters. I need to check the Demon Hunters figures to see what I really have. Characters of Stinger and Slammer have physical form. The new character I made up on the fly, Thor, no idea if I have a figure to fit him. He's a heavy gunner and me being me, I like my heavy gunners to be the size of 80s wrestlers.

That's where I'm at with Story4: FATES WARNING.

I have no game plan of what the War Hounds will do. Continue with missions, yes. I'm thinking of linking it heavily into an old sub-plot from the GI Joe side (these stories take place in the past, say late 2010s. Therefore, the events of ZERO SIGNAL where GI Joe deals with Overkill, hasn't occurred yet. But the seeds of what Overkill has been doing has been going on for years. The Devil Dogs stories also takes place before several key GI Joe members joined the MTF). Part of what I'm having to think about is the role of the War Hounds in the scheme of things. The War Hounds will be a much larger group (ie; more characters) and what they do will be super shady. The Four Horsemen will be more involved too but it will not be the focus of my Four Horsemen project.

Sgt Raymond HUNTER Mato

 6 INCH: GI JOE CLASSIFIED: SAND SCORPION

The Sand Scorpion. Oh wait, I think it's just Sand Scorpion. I believe he's a troop builder but when you unmask him, he's got an actual face that doesn't lend himself to looking like there should be multiples of him. Unless, of course, they are clones. Bearded clones. With dark hair. Hell, it worked in Star Wars. Despite all that, I'm not entirely sure what this guy is about. I like the idea of him being a character or being a trooper builder where there are a bunch of these desert specialists running around. That brings up a point about how Cobra classifies their desert troopers. There are Sand Scorpions. Sand Vipers. Desert Vipers (not to be confused with Dessert Vipers). And I think there are 2-3 more desert classes. Or at least, I wouldn't be surprised if there were! That confusion aside...

Visually, this guy looks awesome. As with most of Hasbro's promo images, they make the figures look pretty darn good. This guy is no different. The scorpion he comes with is decent enough but to an extent, designed poorly. Like many of the accessories that the figures come with, the plastic is soft. In terms of the scorpion, the legs are soft to the point they can warp. That basically means, it can't carry the weight of the body and the scorpion can't stand. Sand Scorpion was a chase figure simply cuz he seemed like the type of guy I could use. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem the case. It's not because I don't have a Dusty for him to face off against, I simply am not sure how to utilize him. I know, I say that about almost everyone in this line!

I think maybe the issue here is, I need more of them. Like, 2 more to make them more imposing and intimidating out in the field. It's similar to have just 1 Viper or 1 Cobra Trooper vs 15 Joes on the field. That's not going to go well. The key to this figure is to getting him on sale or clearance.

 6 INCH: GI JOE CLASSIFIED: ZARANA

The sister of Zartan. As a kid, her physical representation was ugly as hell. Not that she needed to be a superhero-looking babe, but she just didn't look like a figure I wanted. Over time, she got some different looks. Her Theme Year version (which was Devils Due oriented), fans said she looked like a van-driving, soccer mom. That was actually kind of hard to unseen because there was some truth to it. As for the Classified offerings, she is acceptable. I'm not sure how much excitement there was over her when Hasbro announced her; it felt more like, "Let's just make brother and sister". Again, Hasbro checking off a box to get her character out of the way. Not that she was a filler figure. I'm sure there was some excitement for her. The flip side, fans would be crying out, "why haven't you made Zarana yet???" if Hasbro pushed her to the back of the list. Classified has definitely evolved over the few years that the line has been active; taking greater risks and creating new characters and, uh, entities. (Ie; army builders who don't have names)

Zarana is simply a figure I wanted to fill out the Z family. I didn't have her as a kid and I wasn't too worried about it. As an adult, I guess I thought it'd be fun to have the three of them. 4 if you include Zanya. I've yet to use her in story or photos. She often gets stuck standing behind Zartan. I suppose her time in the spotlight came in the Sunbow cartoon where a relationship developed between her and Mainframe. I don't subscribe to that. In the Zedd Universe, she doesn't have much of a story. I was hoping something might work its way through via photography but the photos often have a story in mind. With her, my mind is as blank as Emmett's from the Lego Movie.

 6 INCH: GI JOE CLASSIFIED: STORM SHADOW

I'm not sure how to write about this guy's history. The dude has a sorted past and I think in a lot of ways, he is how the owner wants him to be. Sure, he'll be a ninja in everyone's eyes. To a majority, he's a former US soldier or at least, he served and had seen combat back in the day. To others, the guy is a mental case, having been put through a certain machine invented by Dr Mindbender that did whatever it was supposed to do to people. That latter part, I believe it was in a video game that Storm Shadow was written as liking to go into the machine to get his brain scrambled. Made him a focused, maniacal bad guy ninja. I thought it was a funny aspect to him and I'm not opposed to that writing as compared to the more down-to-earth, heavy drama version that Larry Hama (long-time GI Joe writer) came up with.

My childhood memory of this guy, and I think I've told this story before, I lived in a condo; the complex had 3 buildings. Most of the time, I was the only kid that lived there. At some point, a gal and her two kids moved in and we were buddies for a time. I don't remember the date of his birthday, but it was before mine. For that particular birthday, he got a bunch of Joes and candy; including Bubbletape. When he opened Storm Shadow, I remember him getting really excited. Like cocky excited. If it was his holy grail (not that he would have considered Storm Shadow like that), well, he sure acted like it. I do remember he got excited about getting a Crimson Guard at one point too. In the end, I think part of his excitement was that he received a figure I didn't have in my possession. What does Bubbletape have to do with it? It was just one of his candies he received and the residue was left on the figure (as well as smell).

In terms of large-scale Storm Shadow, he's a neat figure. Pretty faithful to the original. Hasbro didn't do anything weird to him. Really, he just feels like a standard figure to make; check him off the list. He's also an earlier model, when Hasbro was playing it safe with the choice of characters to make Classified. He was a standard purpose. Just gotta have him.

I was never invested in Storm Shadow. He was just a ninja; arch enemy of Snake Eyes. I use most of the early canon with him. The small version of Storm Shadow, after losing the Arashikage to Snake Eyes, he struck out on his own. He created the White Lotus Society; a mercenary ninja group (like the Arashikage Red Ninja who actually come in a rainbow of colors). The large scale version, the only story I wrote him in was a VS story where he squared off against Helix. He didn't fare well against her.

 6 INCH: GI JOE CLASSIFIED: ZANYA

Zanya is a Devils Due Publishing creation. Hasbro was nice enough to make a small scale version of her and (obviously) considered her cool enough to make part of the GI Joe line (errrr, canon). Making a large scale version of her is considerate of Hasbro. For me, she helps round out the Z family.

I don't have much to write about her. I accept her as is in the scheme of things. Her age is of question; I'm pretty sure she was a teenager in the DDP comic but here, she looks older. What Hasbro added as accessories, I don't know what their thinking was on it. But maybe they were trying to make her more interesting or they have a horror agenda for her. (Same way as when they did some of the small scale POC figures, it had a Predator theme)

I bought the figure for her; don't really care about the swamp skier she comes with. That makes her a fairly expensive purchase but I assign my own value to her. I like the figure but not sure what to do with her. I don't think I wrote her into the original diostories. I'm just happy she was made.

 6 INCH: GNAWGAHYDE

As a kid, there were figures that I wouldn't go near. Figures I would never buy. Being a visual guy, it was often times, because of how they looked. Sometimes, it was their personality from, usually, the cartoon. If anything, I think the comic had a greater impact of who I wanted than the cartoon. As an older adult, as compared to a younger adult (2002 Theme Year me vs almost 25 years later Classified me), apparently my tastes and interests have changed. 

When it comes to THIS guy, good lord. That was one ugly figure. I understand that Hasbro started to work on facial expressions. Now, one has to understand, there was a point in my experience when I realized the faces of the GI Joe figures didn't look anything like the drawn card art, the cartoon or the comic. To be specific, I think I was looking at my beloved Falcon figure and realizing he doesn't look like his card art. That realization helped kill my love and interest. This same sort of brain cell firing is what made me lose love for Star Wars, but in some ways, I knew right off the bat but continued to put up with it. (ie; Stormtroopers can't turn their heads. why not? And then, why aren't there knee and elbow joints? I can't pose them like in the movies!)

What Hasbro was able to accomplish with the Theme Year era, in some ways to me, is pretty magical. The head sculpts got better. For the most part, the sizing was decent. It was only on occasion big head or small heads would show up. Back to the subject at hand, Gnawgahyde was not only ugly in his original form, but I felt he suffered from the big head aspect. Yet, Hasbro made a Classified version of Crocodile Mile and my weird azz chose to purchase him. I even had vague ideas of what I wanted to do with him. I haven't had him long, but I think I bought him in hopes that I'd come up with ideas for him in the my JoeVerse. Don't get me wrong here. I accept that Gnawgahyde is a character in the standard JoeVerse and that he is a Dreadnok. I'm not changing that. 

All that aside, I've stated before I was trying not to go the Dreadnok route. Either I didn't want to get into them because I'd feel the need to write them in properly into my JoeVerse. Also, I was kind of trying to figure out how to MTF 'em, which I feel would be incredibly difficult. With the Vietnam figures by MTF, I think it might be more doable to make Dreadnoks. I'm still on the fence about purchasing the whole slew of them. I'd like the original 3; Torch, Ripper, Buzzer. I suppose if Hasbro finally makes Thrasher, that'll be the catalyst for me to dive in. (Cuz I want a Thrasher)

This figure isn't bad. I can't say he's my cup of tea, but he's different enough that I'm sure I can make him work. Certainly, he fits in with other non-military/exotic figures; Crystal Ball, Shadow Tracker, Raptor, Mindbender, etc. 

At the moment, Gnawgahyde has no real role in the Zedd Universe other than he's a Dreadnok and he just does whatever his file card says he does.

 6 INCH: ZANDAR

Zandar. Brother of Zartan. Dude with no personality. The kid that nobody paid attention to. Also the kid that nobody saw or noticed. And as far as I could tell, he was an open book for me to write his character. I didn't have him as a kid. Much like Zarana, I wasn't too worried about getting a Zandar. I would receive one decades later and I rather liked the figure. The Dreadnoks, in general, I was luke warm about. They were what they were but that didn't necessarily mean I was crazy for them. I liked Zartan. I accepted his original 3 cronies. Come to the Classified version, Hasbro made some tweaks on him. For the most part, I'm fine with him. I thought his hair was supposed to be pink, but Hasbro seemed to like orange better. One thing I'm not a fan of are these figures who wear armor without a base layer (or shirt). That's probably a personal thing since I'm picky with what goes on my skin. To be fair, I guess if Zandar didn't have the armored vest, he'd be going around shirtless which would be more to his classic look.

I'd love to use the figure more but his knee and fingers are incredibly stiff. When I tried to photograph a fight scene between he and Beach Head for the VS story, it went horribly. Both figures have the same issues making it nearly impossible to make things look decent. 

Why I have this figure comes down to, I wanted the Z family. Zarana had already been made, word. Zandar was made, word. Zartan, obviously, was the 1st to be made, yo. I kinda wanted all three just for the fun of it. When Zanya was announced, I was excited. I liked the small scale figure that was made and that she even existed. The rest of the Dreadnoks, I tried to hold off. The only small scale 'noks I had were Zartan and Torch. Ripper and Buzzer always got moved to the back of the line. The big head thing didn't help me want them more either. So for Zandar, a lot of it has to do with wanting a physical representation of a character. I had a lot of fun writing his character, making him similar to General Chang from Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. In the Zedd Universe, he's an assassin. (unlike his lil counterpart which I don't have figures of, Zandar is not posing as Zartan) He's also a master of disguise as is Zarana. He can also 'cloak' as not to be seen. This makes him extremely dangerous.

 6 INCH: COBRA COMMANDER

Here's an odd tidbit of useless info for everyone. I have Cobra Commander. Someone has to lead Cobra, right? The GI Joe side? I don't actually have a proper leader hierarchy! I have Flint and Stalker. And Stalker's just a Sergeant. Based on filecard, just about everyone on GI Joe is a sergeant! I would like to get a 1st series Duke but I watched his prices go up quickly after his release, which made no sense to me. Back in the Theme Years era, Duke, CC, and SE got a ton of versions. They were the golden triad or whatever they were called. Something about, every other wave had to have a version of them in it. Despite Cobra Commander being the architect of Cobra, the proper supreme leader, yadda yadda, visually, I like him. I believe I purchased him because he was cheap and my Classifieds needed someone to lead them. My small scale version, I adore. Bit of a similar vibe but the command crew of the small Joes, there's a common look to them all. Tomax, Xamot, Mindbender, and Interrogator all wear pretty much the same outfit.

Cobra Commander, in my JoeVerse, is kind of complicated. He's come a long ways and watched the world change. He's seen how the art of war has changed too. He acknowledges that the 1980s and 1990s were a time of massive campaigns where battles would employ hundreds of troops, battalions and wings of motorized vehicles, and a lot of threats. No longer is war conducted this way. At least, for the most part. It's all about special ops teams going in and doing whatever they are supposed to do which can have big and long-lasting effects. It's also more seductive and quiet.

He is quite proud of how his Doomsday campaign played out in the end. The world, especially the United States finally got to see him in a serious light. Not a complete buffoon from his numerous failed attempts at taking over the world. In fact, he realized that was an unreasonable goal. He realized, what he needed was not great military might, but a great nation. To have that, he would have to create one. The US didn't surrender to him. The states of the US didn't surrender to him. But behind the scenes, in the dark and quiet, cities and towns took him up on his offer. They didn't surrender, they pledged allegiance to a different way of living. This was not what Cobra Commander envisioned. In some instances, entire counties accepted Cobra as their government. Most became sovereign nations with very tedious relations with the United States. Other places, it's kept on the down low. It's those places where Cobra schemes and plots. Yet at the same time, Cobra revitalized the economies of many small towns and cities.

Cobra still has plans to become the most powerful entity in the world. Cobra Commander has set his sight on the stars. He also knows, like GI Joe and Marauder Task Force, there are greater enemies out there than he could have ever imagined. The politics of the world, he feels, are far more evil than anything he could have come up with. Cobra's path lies on a very different route than it had 40 years ago.

 6 INCH: NIGHT CREEPER

I've stated many times that I'm not a fan of the DiC stuff which often means, I'm not the biggest supporter of the figures that came after the Cobra War. I admit, I'd have to do some research to get the proper years for some of these. When was Cobra War vs Alley Viper/Night Viper/ Capt GridIron/Etc releases? Despite all that, there were a few gems that were created. Maybe they were handled in a certain way in the cartoon but since I wasn't watching DiC, I missed it. That's probably a good thing because I'd be either skewed, biased, and/or scarred even more than I already am!

The Nite Creeper (yes, I prefer to spell it "NITE" over "NIGHT") is one of those figures I had as a kid and I thought he was pretty neat. I completely forgot the premise of this trooper class. They were just a bunch of funky-sword wielding ninja. I'm not going to talk about the Theme Year versions, we'll just skip to the Classified version. (for the record, I don't care if it's Classified, Classic, Retro; it's all NOT small scale)

I think I got this guy on a whim and because he was cheap. But this figure is a nostalgia item for me too. I could say Tunnel Rat is a nostalgia item, but Tunnel Rat serves a different purpose. Nite Creeper is just a ninja trooper figure to me (but not the official Ninja Trooper that was made. Or was that Ninja Viper? Viper Ninja?). I don't remember if I had specific plans for the purchase. It was just to have. This figure does come with a second head and I believe with that head on the body, the Nite Creeper becomes the character Aleph. (I'd have to look the character up) As it stands now, Nite Creeper was to be used in a VS story. Who are the Nite Creepers to fight? Snake Eyes, that's who!

I know that might sound like a no-brainer. I'm sure Snake Eyes has plenty of arch enemies, what's one more? It's not so much who the Nite Creepers make an enemy of, it's about the story using and/or centering around Nite Creepers. That was to be the fun of it. As for the figure itself, I haven't used it much. I tried a photoshoot some time ago and it didn't go well. That had more to do with my photography skills and location than the figure. I remember it not being particularly inspired. On my random drives, sometimes I'll take a figure with me to see what happens. I don't do that often; I usually have a plan. I admit, I woudn't mind a couple more of these so I could make Aleph and have 2 cronies. I suppose that's how I could work the VS story which has taken a backburner to all my projects.

 6 INCH: ALLEY VIPERS

Mentioned previously, Hasbro's GI Joe Classified figures are often cool looking and fun to use (for photography purposes). Cataloguing all my larger scale figures and thinking about why I even have them, it's got me thinking quite a bit about the WHYs. I don't have a good reason for a lot of them. They were on sale. They were bought to help get free shipping from Amazon. Impulse buy. Gotta catch most 'em all?

When I first saw these guys, I didn't get it. Bright orange (and blue as combo) wasn't hard military to me. Or military at all. I consider these guys part of the DiC era of GI Joe; that's when a lot of things changed. (That means, they came after the movie in cartoon terms and after the Cobra War in comic book terms) They weren't the only ones I didn't understand. There were these bad guy underwater troops with one eye. A crazy dude with a visor and big rockets and talked funny. A football-playing sergeant called Captain Grid-Iron (as if Duke wasn't bad enough, in my book). The list goes on how this wasn't my GI Joe. Eventually, I was shown the light with these guys. Alley Vipers. Think an aggro SWAT-oriented class of soldiers. These guys were so bad ass, they wore bright orange to not only show they were coming, but they frankly didn't care either. Same sort of mentality of Star Wars Stormtroopers always being in white; didn't matter if they were in the desert, jungle, working at night, etc. It was supposed to be oddly fear inducing. I accepted it in the end. 

The original toy was after my time or very close to it. I found an attraction to them in 2002 when they got the gray/blue colors. Skip to the 25A-era figures and Hasbro made the lil ones look tight. By Classified, good translation of the Alley Viper. Now, I've written that big heads plagued the GI Joe line (well, probably a lot of toylines). The Alley Viper represents a helmeted dude where the head size doesn't need to be 75% increased! Let the imagination of the hi-tech helmet do it's thing. The face shield has electronics in it, right? Right? 

Honestly, I was kind of on the fence with these guys. I made my own small-scale Plague team for the NEW BREED story which took years to build. One of the members is an Alley Viper and it's how I saw them (well, I did the best I could with Marauders availability for parts). In theory, I had the design of the Alley Viper so I really didn't feel the need for the big ones. But man, they looked good just as a lot of other Classifieds did. I buckled and bought two. Two is all I kind of need because... In the Zedd Universe, this is a very special classification that doesn't have hundreds of members. It's a select few and there aren't entire squads of these. Rather, the Alley Viper accompanies a regular Cobra Trooper or Viper squad. He's a specialist in urban warfare so he basically helps out and suggests strategies and tactics. 

In terms of big scale involvement, the Alley Vipers are a specialty trooper. Used for photos. No special story about them. I just really like the look and they don't suffer from the issues I have with several of the other figures. Someday, they might get their own VS story. But I haven't thought much about them in that regard. 

 6 INCH: ZARTAN

Hasbro had something special when they created the small scale GI Joe figures (perhaps, there was magic in the 12in from the really old days, but my experience isn't with them). It was one thing to create a cool looking figure that fired on all cylinders. It was another to create a character that was just as cool or neat or interesting; be it via the official filecard that came with the figure, the cartoon version (particularly Sunbow but I'll allow for other animation companies which includes the ones that did the CG short movies, Resolute, Sigma6, etc), movie version(s), comic books (this is purposely plural), etc. Our own creativity did a lot of figure and characters too. What sucks is creating a great character but a sub-par figure. Or vice versa. I feel, too, that Hasbro set the standard for some of the designs of the figures that doing another version couldn't possibly match up. Subjective, of course. Gatekeeper-ish, a bit.

For me, Zartan is just plain cool and fun. The two terms aren't mutually exclusive either. I believe some figures can look great but based on character via cartoon, comic, or filecard, they just aren't fun to use. I might use Flash as an example. Great looking. Added color to a drab color palette in 1982. But he's a laser soldier. We're not talking about a dude running around with a Storm Trooper laser gun. The guy had the equivalent of a small Ghostbusters nuclear backpack to power his hyper-focused laser gun to melt holes through metal (but not people, GI Joe would never do that!) As I stated previously, giving Flash another weapon, a more usable one was just not right. That in mind, Zartan's original look is hard to beat. Characterization in both cartoon and comic were done well enough that he's pretty hard to see any other way. Devils Due, the comic company that got the rights to GI Joe after Marvel let it go, did pretty well with evolving Zartan. Enough that I use their ideas in my own JoeVerse.

What's fun about Zartan, he can be as hard and serious as you want him to be. He can also be utterly creepy if you want. As DDP wrote him, Zartan can also be mess psychologically too! (gotta read the DDP series to understand that one and it makes sense) I'm not quite willing to say that if one were buying Classified figures (not so much collecting, but cherry picking through), Zartan is a must buy. Because buying him, kind of opens a can of worms in terms of the Dreadnoks and his family which becomes a situation where you'll want them all, even if you don't like most of the characters. Zartan is a great addition to the roster. It's not just because he's the master of disguise or that he has a brother, sister, and daughter, which have all been made (it's nice they were, though). It's because the figure itself has a certain creepy element to him which makes him worthy to have. 

That aspect to him lends him to wanting to photograph him. You want him to face the good guys. Or even the bad guys. When I think about it, Classified did a really good job with a lot of these figures to convey certain feelings, even if they are illogical. Certainly, figures like Crystal Ball and Interrogator don't come off like nice guys like New Kids on the Block. Those two come off more like Cradle of Filth. Or Sothis. Amon Amarth? Zartan is a figure I'd love to use all the time because the figure, as barebones as it is, is terrific.

In the JoeVerse, the small Zartan has followed the DDP suite (as mentioned above). He's gone crazy. Mine speaks like Yoda, lives in isolation in the middle of nowhere, all the personalities he took on and created have taken its toll as he's gotten older, etc. It's so bad, Zandar has taken his place, fooling everyone except Zarana and Zanya. The girls allow Zandar to pretend he's Zartan for the sake of the Dreadnoks. Big Zartan, I haven't written anything for him. Just used in single toy photography. He doesn't have a story or much of a role because I never dived into Classified stories, which really wasn't planned in the first place. (Unless you count the VS project) When I write him in, he'll be pre-mental Zartan. Leader of the Dreadnoks. Killer of the Hard Master. Destroyer of Storm Shadow's proper place in the Arashikage. As with most of the figures, he's just fun to use for photos.

For the record, I do accept that he had a lot of work done on him. The most modern take are the nanos injected in his body so he can take on different personas. I don't, however, do the allergic to sunlight thing. That's a 'no biggie' to me.

 6 INCH: SNAKE EYES

I'll be honest here, I don't know what to make of this guy. I'm cool with his comic history and the Sunbow treatment of him was pretty much a joke. It comes down to, 'what is Snake Eyes?' He's been portrayed as a ninja. He's been portrayed as a commando. He's been portrayed as a ninja commando! That latter gives the implication that he uses guns (like his uzi or a pistol) and bladed weapons (like swords, knives, etc). That's just Snake Eyes as a character.

The figure here is another matter. I love the visual look/design. I've owned the figure three times now? Each figure has had a loose chest joint and incredibly stiff hands. Everything else about him is pretty decent. (the pistol is kinda weird; I think Hasbro liked the idea that it could attach to his pack but the hole in the gun was supposed to be overlooked by fans?) 

Oddly, Snake Eyes has always had a role in my Joe Universe. I think a lot of it had to do with him visually. Hasbro made a ton of versions of this guy and sure, it was very hit and miss. But even designs I didn't like (the 25th era had a version with the knives on his chest that I didn't care for), they were sometimes well executed. The Resolute Snake Eyes was fantastic. The Pursuit of Cobra Snake Eyes was great. The 30th Anniversary Snake Eyes was pretty good. Hasbro made it really hard to not want and like the versions they were putting out. Resolute was my standard for some time and my MTF'd version pales in comparison to what Hasbro had done.

I didn't make Snake Eyes a gun-fu dude. Not sure why, it would have fit. I decided at some point that he's a ninja commando. Not commando ninja. To me, a ninja commando is basically, he's a ninja force. Stealthy, silent, kills with silent weapons, etc. The commando part is that he doesn't dress like a ninja (not like Red Ninja or Storm Shadow) and carries a couple of different guns. And that he can be a soldier that is a team player as opposed to always being a solo operator.

I should mention, he had a pretty good Sigma 6 version if you could handle him looking like he was on the Atkins diet. Actually, now I think about it, I think he had a couple of cool versions. Be it the jungle outfit or the jetpack version.

The big Snake Eyes is often used for just photography. I had a VS story for him but never wrote it. It's not the strongest story. It was going to be Snake Eyes vs Night Creeper. It was going to focus more on the Night Creeper in terms of what they are and what they do. I think it was going to take place in a hi-tech office where the Night Creeper(s) were stealing data and Snake Eyes has to stop them. It was probably going to be written that Snake Eyes was going after Cobra operatives; he wouldn't know who or what he'd really be facing.

 6 INCH: STALKER

The ZEDD UNIVERSE started with the GI Joe universe and was intertwined with different toylines that often weren't written as the specific toyline. For example, in the story TRANSFORMATIONS, the Microman race was there, but the names of the figures were changed because I didn't pay attention to them. McFarlane's Cyberunits showed up in the 2nd diostory but were referred to as cyber experiments or something of that sort. The way I used them had nothing to do with the toyline. As I wrote more, I decided to incorporate the actual toylines as they were supposed to be but at times, in a lighter fashion. I hate the word 'crossover'. The other toylines were simply entities to be used for the story, not a "GI Joe meets Microman!" or "GI Joe meets Warhammer 20k!" That latter, it was about GI Joe vs alien monsters that happened to be Tyranids and an early link to the possible 40k universe (or 30k since that's all the rage in the Warhammer 40k universe).

Now, Stalker wasn't a big deal to me as a kid. Just the black dude in a camo outfit. He was certainly not cool in my book. Not like Flash with his cool red pads and visor on helmet. I didn't become a fan of Stalker until 2002 when Hasbro roided him up and frankly, gave him a really cool look. Next stop for me was his Pursuit of Cobra version. He lost muscle but gained braided hair and well, Stalker looked awesome in all ways possible. I loved that figure as I loved that 2002 version. Because of that, Stalker found a larger role in the Joe Verse. This is small Stalker, mind you.

Big Stalker, I like the Classified look too. The big scarf is a nice touch. I'd like to use him more, maybe make him a thing, but he's oddly not photogenic. Something about his eyes are off. I think mine also suffers from the stiff hands. Now, as a kid, part of what made Stalker, Stalker, was that different gun he came packaged with. In this case, Hasbro made it his secondary weapon cuz it fits in a sleeve that can attach to his back. Like in Aliens, Hick's secondary was a shotgun that he carried on his back. I don't know what the differences are between Stalker's weapons; why one over the other. But it is a neat little element. I need to get this guy more picture time.

 6 INCH: TUNNEL RAT

Two of my all-time favorite figures are Tunnel Rat and Falcon. They were instant favorites. I've stated before, I felt GI Joe was losing it's military edge so when those two were released, it was like, "finally" or "about time". The versions of Tunnel Rat have ebbed and flowed and I'm glad the Classified focused on the classic as opposed to, oh let's say, Valor vs Venom's version.

It's been said that to make a successful GI Joe action figure, give the good guy a mask, a cool gun, decent colors, and a few other things. Hence why Beach Head and Snake Eyes have always been hits. For Tunnel Rat, big gun (which didn't make sense but I didn't care as a kid), bandana, face paint, and well, he just looked cool.

Yet, despite being a favorite, I never quite had a place for him in my stories. I think he's part of the new Joe team in NEW BREED, which means he stuck around GI Joe instead of leaving like so many others. As for the large scale Tunnel Rat, he's a fave so I have to have him. His role in the Zedd Universe? Doesn't really have one except for doing photoshoots. No story here, unfortunately. I don't think I even had thoughts on a VS story for him. Perhaps I should come up with one so he can get some time and characterization.

 6 INCH: GREENSHIRTS (MALE)

These two figures were specifically bought to be cannon fodder. The heads are basic enough that if I had more, I could tweak them just enough that they could be different people. I could be funny and go the Dreadnok route and say that the Greenshirts all look the same because they are brothers and cousins. (Or Spaceballs if you want to go that route) In the end, I'm not putting any time into who and what they are. They serve the purpose of upping the numbers of good guys and a vehicle for the bad guys to knock off.

There is an odd 'however' here.

I might not give them much love. But Hasbro felt it necessary to make them. The thing is, they did a really nice job on the figure. They aren't just rehashes of the 1982 Joe design. As in, they aren't wearing sweaters. The two-tone colors for their outfit does wonders too. These guys actually look decent enough that you want them to support your Joes and be in a photo or several. Too bad Hasbro didn't drop the MSRP on these figures so people could buy more to pad their armies.

 6 INCH: SNIPERS (FEMALE)

These were bought with the purpose of being cannon fodder. Instead, they ended up with names and personalities and are now part of the Zedd Universe as characters. One of them, though it's subtle in the story, has a sister that's a pilot. Both gals show up in a 4 Horsemen vignette and the sister shows up in a Devils Dog story. 

The figures are pretty good. One figure comes with 3 heads. I didn't use the 3rd head which has a hat, sunglasses, and headset. It wasn't because I didn't have a 3rd figure, I simply don't care for the head. In fact, the caucasian head, if that hat came off, it'd be awesome. Also, unlike the Greenshirts, it'd be hard to build a bunch of these gals where I modify the heads slightly so they all look different. Hasbro did quite a job of not making standard parts so I got stuck with characters, not so much expendable troopers. If there were a masked female head that easily fit, maybe I could make it work.

It's interesting to note, in the small scale Joe Verse, I didn't have a need for Green shirts or battlefield support troops. My stories took place with special teams. There was no 1980s-like war scenes with hundreds of motorized units and troops running all over. (well, there may have been a couple but it didn't lend the need for Greenshirts to get the body count up) With Classified, I felt the need for support troops. It's just the way my story projects work and how different in feel they can be.

 6 INCH: GRUNT

When I was a kid, Grunt was just a figure to me. I'm sure I broke his thumb and crotch piece in shorter order, as I did several of those old 1982 figures. Back then, I would have said it was from me playing with them. As an adult, I'd say it was poor design or material usage. Grunt, as far as I could tell, didn't get much time in comic or cartoon. I didn't have much use for him other "just another soldier". At some point, due to him being such an open slate, I decided he would be perfect to write in how I saw fit. When I MTF'd him, I had a lot of fun. I had also just found (and watched) Daylight's End, a zombie movie starring Johnny Strong. I liked the look of the main character so much, I modeled Grunt after him. That's the small scale version. Grunt even get his own story called SAN REJA (WIP). The story follows loosely the same ideas as Daylight's End and Army of the Dead. It brings 'zombies' into the Zedd Universe in a contained sort of way, but also introduces the Joy Toy toyline into the Joe Verse (which is part of the Zedd Universe; it just shows that Joy Toy exists with GI Joe/MTF). If only I could build a large scale Grunt in the same fashion as the small one. In fact, I wish there was a action figure company that was like MTF but specialized in large scale. I'd have so much fun with that.

Big Grunt was purchased to simply help out round out my good guys which were outnumbered 3-1 by the bad guys. It was just the way things worked with my buying. There are Joes I do want, but their priority shifts quickly and often. Nunchuk, Hawk v2, Steeler & Short Fuze, and Big Ben are figures that keep getting pushed back. Visually, I preferred the new version compared to the classic Grunt that was being offered. In short order, I purchased a bunch of cannon fodder figures for a 4 Horsemen vignette. That short diostory shifted focus so heavily from what I had planned; Lady Obitus was not the focus, it ended up being a greenshirt squad led by Grunt! In that regard, the large scale figures became a harder presence in the Zedd Universe and not falling under an alternate universe or a 'classic' universe. (I had thought of using the big figures as a more traditional GI Joe universe but that fell apart quickly)

In the end, Grunt went from a nothing character to a loved character/figure. The larger version, the story that he's in, actually will feed into the San Reja story. He basically goes from team member to squad leader to solo warrior. 

 6 INCH: LADY JAYE

I was telling a friend that I was cataloguing my large scale figures and writing notes about them; my thoughts on them, history, why I bought them, but not reviewing them. That I would write about what my issues are with them, but not hard reviews. I also told him that it's really hard to break my mentality on toy stuff; particularly with GI Joe. I know that GI Joe can be kind of an open book for people and that for the most part, people (kids and adults) can do what they want with them. Maybe the gatekeepers and hardcore fans get in the way. At times, I feel that it's appropriate. Or at least, there should be a balance and some things shouldn't be changed.

Hard examples would be Duke is a field commander (Hawk seemed to better behind the scenes), Snake Eyes is caucasian, Destro has a metal head, etc. Even I don't mess with those elements. Where it gets fluid and this still remains hard for me; giving weapons that came with a specific figure and letting someone else use them. Or giving an entirely different weapon to a figure. For example, I can't see Flint with an automatic rifle. Just as I can't see Major Bludd with a sniper rifle or even, again, an automatic rifle. And let's say, I can't see anyone else driving a VAMP but Clutch, even if the cartoon indicated otherwise.

This comes down to how I view Lady Jaye. Didn't have a figure of her until the Theme Years. Didn't care for her, wasn't invested in her despite having time in cartoon and comic. I wasn't anti-female; I had no problem with Cover Girl or Baroness. I do prefer, if I have to have a Lady Jaye, it's the cartoon-based one. Lady Jaye, as a figure would be a skip except for two things. BBTS had a fairly cheap deal of Flint and Lady Jaye together. And I can't have Lady Jaye without Flint (or vice versa). I don't think I even make them a couple in my Zedd Universe. I did finally give her a real role in the unwritten story NEW BREED where she is an intel officer; basically taking Scarlett's position since she went to the MTF.

All that said with my biases and whatnot, the figure is okay. If not standard in quality, design, and execution. She serves a purpose but not a chase figure. I don't mind having her and I don't think she's bad to use; I think I only used her once or twice in photos and that was with Flint. Go figure. When I finally write NEW BREED, maybe my interest in her will grow. Until then, she's a grunt of a figure that just hangs out in a box with the rest of the good guys. Waiting to be used for photos or even display.

 6 INCH: FLINT

Me being me, I've always had issues with people in power. Leadership. Managers. Cops. Etc. This was evident in my disdain for Duke who represented (visually) just about everything I hated. It's no wonder I got into skateboarding, right? This mentality applied to most of the Joe officers; Beach Head, Flint, Slaughter (Slaughter was an ass in my book but that's another rant for another day), etc. Funny thing, I totally accepted Hawk as a general and leader of GI Joe when his v2 came out. Yeah, don't ask. But due to my thinking, then who led GI Joe into battle on the bed, bean bag chair, living room couch, and carpeted floors all over the condo? Hell, I don't even remember! (I probably spent all my time setting up and then being too tired for the battle or it was "time to clean up!")

Somewhere in the timeline, I made peace with Flint. He was a bit of an ass when we first met him in the comic. In the cartoon, he was what he was. I remember deciding when I wanted a Flint for my kiddy collection and being bummed that he was already out of production. The 2ndary option was... Tiger Force Flint and I had to put up with that. Skipping the theme years and etc, this Classified Flint was one of the first figures in the series. I liked the design I saw but was luke warm on the Classified series in general. I questioned why Hasbro didn't do this in small scale instead? I don't care about trends and whatever definition they gave Classified (bigger scale means collector scale!). Flint looked awesome but I could see right away he was lean on accessories which caused me to balk at the price point ($22, I think, was starting MSRP and it's gone up since those 1st waves). Still, he looked good enough to have. I think I've had him twice now? (The last time I bought him, he came as a deal with Lady Jaye from BBTS)

In the large scheme of things, Flint is number 3 in command. General Colton - Duke - Flint - Beach Head. I can't remember if there's a #5. As per comic (or was it cartoon), Flint can lead teams but his specialty is rescue ops. I have a MTF'd version, but I admit, like the Classified version better. (The MTF'd versions aren't as hard in their outfits as their traditional look) At this time, like most of my large scale figures, they are for photographic purposes and don't necessarily fit into the Zedd Universe.

 6 INCH: BATs

At some point with Hasbro GI Joe, I lost faith in them. I found their figures were getting too expensive and uninspired. I don't remember if it was the 2nd movie figures or 30th Anniversary. Somewhere, I just couldn't get into them. The GI Joe Club figures felt like they took the worst parts to make $60 figures. By then, I had moved to Marauder Task Force and started porting characters. Hasbro did do well with the heads, that is something to give them props to (well, for the most part). It got to the point that it took a lot to impress me.

I told a friend when I got these big-scaled BATs, Storm Shadow, and Alley Vipers, there was something pretty neat about them. It's only 2 more inches but it wasn't just 2 inches taller, it was all scaled properly so the figures were bigger. Or as I phrase it, bulky. Like, "that's a lot of plastic". Here's the thing, I didn't like the BATs as a kid. It wasn't about, "what's wrong with Cobra Troopers and Vipers?" It had to do with the fact that Hasbro GI Joe's heads tended to be big. The Viper head seemed oversized to me. The Dreadnok Ripper was like that. GI Joe Wild Bill had a big noggin. The BATs were like that. People would cite, for some of these, it was because the helmets had tons of gear in it. But from the cartoons and other stuff I read, there were ways to slim all that stuff down. Nanotech before it was nanotech! Or whatever 'futuristic' technology movies and shows used so heads didn't look oversized! As stated, I'm a visual guy.

The Classified BATs, I like these things. Hasbro made some tweaks but it's classic enough for me. I like the 'metal' covering; gives them a scarier look. There is a huge however here...

BATs in the Zedd Universe have a strange place in it. That has to do with how I see them and use them. They are the troopers of Overkill and like Sigma 6, I like the idea of them coming in all shapes and forms. I do prefer the more traditional look, but the theme year BATs (small scale) were awesome. In the Zedd Universe, pertaining to small scale, Overkill still has his BATs. But he's seen the limitations of robots and androids, believing that cybernetic augmentation is the true future. He has created CATs (Cybernetically Augmented Troopers). Eventually, he'll go back to BATs but CATs will be a huge thing for a time. A lot of the Zedd Universe has the CATs technology as an aspect (which was hinted at in the Devil Dogs stories).

In terms of the large scale BATs, they serve as cannon fodder. I don't have Cobra Troopers or Vipers. I'm not opposed to the Troopers, I haven't looked hard for decent priced ones. Vipers, I'm shying away from because I have small scale Vipers I really like. This falls under "do I want large scale ones when my lil ones are good enough?". It's hard because the BATs fell into this dilemna. The other Cobra class trooper that falls into this situation are the Alley Vipers. I wouldn't mind 3 more of these BATs. I'm also getting ready to build an Overkill, even though my little one I like a lot. My issue with the BATs now is what to arm them with. I'd like to find something from GridIron Studios but there are so many options.

 6 INCH: HELIX

Helix was an odd entity into the GI Joe universe. The figure itself with it's Bruce Lee influence, was written by either the comic company at the time or Hasbro as a gnarly, neuro-divergent Jedi. She could foresee future actions and movements and had the fighting skills to adapt for them. Fans said she was an over-powered Mary Sue, much like a certain Jedi-powered female from a Star Wars trilogy. Whatever Helix was meant to be, I threw out the window. To me, she was the equivalent of a special agent or special operations agent. Meaning she did intel and fight with various martial arts. Anyone who knows the concept of gun-fu/gun-kata and the character who used it, that's how I wrote her. (That's a nod to Equilibrium, Matrix, and John Wick)

I had the small scale figure and enjoyed using her. Would it be natural that I would purchase the large scale figure? Not necessarily. Or at least, she wasn't a priority. I think she may have been on sale $20 so it was easier to justify her. She comes with far more accessories than her small scale counterpart. The added gear, like exo-swords, made things confusing for those who knew the history of her. It was like, "uh, where did these come from? why?" I like the figure, don't get me wrong. The character, that was for me to write. I used her in a VS story (she went toe to toe with Storm Shadow) and she had some use in the diostories. Not a large role, just background so I didn't have to give her character.

The VS project works aside the main stories. The stories don't contradict what I'm already doing. The VS project was just fun; pitting good guys vs bad guys and giving them a story of why they have issues. What was fun about it, some of Hasbro's stories, the arch-enemy thing already existed. In other stories, the story told of how the situation started. Unfortunately, Hasbro couldn't quite go all out with it. Felt like they were just getting started then the next theme rolled in (that would be Spy Troops). It's almost like Helix was bought for the VS project. Kind of like a video game character that doesn't show up anywhere else. Or if one looks at enough comic memes, superhero movies add in characters for the movie, never in the comic. I do remember that Helix was not part of the New Breed story; or at least, I hadn't planned on her being in there.

 6 INCH: BEACH HEAD

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a late-bloomer. In this instance, the focus is Beach Head. I wasn't a fan of him as a kid. I'm not sure why, he pretty much has everything that a kid should like in a figure. His time in the cartoon didn't hurt his popularity and I admit, I don't remember how much comic time he got from the writer, Larry Hama. I've stated I got back into GI Joe in 2002 when Hasbro relaunched the toyline with yearly themes. Part of me becoming a fan meant collecting the comic book by Devils Due Publishing and joining an online fan group or 3. It would be at JoeBattlelines.com (aka JBL and before that, Savage SoundOffs) that I would learn quite a bit about my favorite toy from childhood. The point here, a lot of people helped show me the way with a lot of characters that I didn't care for or pay attention to. Beach Head was one that I grew to like. And maybe, I took a slightly harder military edge with GI Joe during the theme years. Specifically, harder on the GI Joe side, but accepting of Cobra's eccentric side.

I would love to say that this Beach Head figure is the bomb. It's the best of the best of the best. With honors. Greatest thing ever. But alas, for me, it is not. I found many of the figures suffered from incredibly stiff hands and locked knee joints. I understand that hot water will help soften them, but I found that's only a temporary means. I did this technique and Beach Head, like Snake Eyes and Zandar (off top of head) still have hands that can't stretch to hold a weapon. To get their legs to pose for photography, nearly impossible. Due to much of my photography being outside, I'm not about to carry a thermos of hot water just to loosen these figures up. Utterly frustrating and that's one of the reasons why I gave up on the line a few times. (Later figures seem to be better, but the hands still give me issues) Also, Beach Head's weapons stupidly come in green and not the green his outfit is. I'm a snob in this regard. The weapons are to be black. Maybe boltgun metal and black. I'm not opposed to desert troops having desert colors on their weapons, but black is universal. 

All that aside, Beach Head has a place in the Zedd Universe. Well, at least the small one. The big Beach Head represents a more classic GI Joe universe. I go back and forth with how the Classifieds fit in. The VS story that he stars in, it's pretty separate from any of the stories going on; past and present. It does, at least, set up that Beach Head is still a GI Joe and suffers failures like any human being. My Beach Head is a mix of Sunbow cartoon and filecard.

If one questions why I keep buying these things when all they do is give me a headache, well... simply put; It's Beach Head. The figure is pretty cool even if the design is kinda weird. But it works and Hasbro didn't mess with him so much that he's not an attractive figure. To make this Beach Head partially work for me, I outfitted him with a wonderfully made weapon from GridIron Studio. In fact, I'm slowly equipping the figures with different weapons of better quality. Hasbro makes locked joints and stiff hands, but skimps on the flimsy weapons. That makes no sense to me. Worse yet, because of the softer plastic, many of the weapons come warped. For this photographer, that doesn't do me any good.

 6 INCH: SCARLETT

Scarlett is one of those characters I wasn't vested in and didn't have the toy as a kid. I did end up with a version of her because of the Joe VS Cobra theme in 2002. She wasn't someone I'd purposely buy. Like a lot of characters, she simply served to move the story forward. In GI Joe comic terms, she helped balance out the testosterone. It wouldn't be until the CGI animated movies in early 2000s or her Sigma 6 version, I grew to accept her. As for Classified, this is the look I prefer for her. I was definitely not a fan of her original design.

Despite my lack of love for her, I feel she is an integral part of the GI Joe team and lore. Scarlett isn't quite like a must-have when it comes to Snake Eyes. (or Duke, ahem) Certainly not like Slice & Dice, Law & Order, Ham & Burger... That said, I like this figure. I wish she came with a pistol and holster, but the fighting knives are a nice touch.

I gave Scarlett story time in the diostory LOST ISLAND (or was it THE ISLAND?). This was the second diostory I did. She and Lt Graydon (custom character) are returning with a squad of Greenshirts and Steel Brigade from a mission that acted as their test for promotion. The Greenshirts would move up to Steel Brigade (how it worked in my universe and then, I got rid of the Greenshirt class in favor of just the Steel Brigade). And the Steel Brigade moves up to full-fledged GI Joe members. This was during the time that the Plague vs Steel Brigade 6-pack had come out and was awesome in all sorts of ways. On their return, they are rerouted to a mysterious island in the Gulf of Mexico. Their mission: to retrieve Joe Colton who decided to infiltrate a Cobra R&D facility, by himself, and got over his head. After that story, Scarlett was in the Hunt For Sonneilon story where she is injured and taken out of action with a whole slew of Joes. That Scarlett is based on the small scale version. The big Scarlett exists in the Zedd Universe much the same as several other figures, but no definitive role. At this time, I don't have a small Scarlett so the big figure fills the role of Scarlett. I really need to think this through some day.